Category Archives: Dreading Graduation

Day 0: The End.

It’s Finished.

Yes, it’s over.

Nearly three weeks into my last summer ever, and I am finally closing off the discussion of graduation. At least I think this is the end of the discussion but you never know. I may have to pick up my lamenting in a few weeks when I’m missing the fun-filled excitement of college. Though, with the summer I have planned this is highly unlikely.

 

Maybe I was tired of hearing myself whine or maybe all my processing, and whining, throughout the semester really prepared me for graduation. Either way, the day went by with much less emotional turmoil then I expected.

It felt a bit like a fairytale, and by fairytale I of course mean the “this isn’t real” part not the “happily ever after” part being that, while not as sad of an event as I expected it to be it still wasn’t exactly the best day ever. And while I wasn’t curled into the fetal position balling my eyes out, I wasn’t jumping up and down either.

Come to think of it, I actually did jump up and down some.

Shocking, I know.

Don’t worry it was for a picture not due to actual excitement. I haven’t changed that much in three weeks post graduation.

But honestly, the day was so busy and crazy that I didn’t have much time to think about what was going on. Plus, my suitemate Emily, though I don’t think I can call her that anymore seeing as she isn’t my suitemate anymore, my friend Emily and I decided to “fake it till we made it,” aka pretend we are happy so we don’t spend the whole day moping. Which worked out pretty well for me.

I ended up actually enjoying the day.

Miracle!

It will probably sink in when school starts up again and I’m sitting, confined to my office, watching all the new and returning students move boxes in to their home for the year.

And I’m working from my office strategically placed where I can see all the activities, but not participate in them, because I am now a working adult – lame.

Then the fact that the dorms at OKWU will no longer be home will be real.

But no use worrying about it before it gets here.

Look how much I’ve learned!

I spent a whole semester worrying about something before it got here and it got here and it was okay and probably not worth all the worry. How’s that for a life lesson?

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Day 16: To-Do List

It is a sad thing when “Graduation” becomes a headline on your to-do list.

Yes, “graduation” has officially made its way on to my to-do list, right before “homework” and after “bridal shower stuff.”

It isn’t much of a list yet but for me, an addicted to-do list maker, it is bound to get much more detailed.

To Do:

Design invitations

Mail invitations

Pack winter clothes

Take home carload of stuff I haven’t ever used this year and am unlikely to use in the future

Buy dinner for all the people who made graduating possible

Find money to buy dinner for all the people dinner who made graduating possible

You get the idea.

Thus far, there has only been one truly horrible to-do item on this to-do list. And by horrible I mean make graduation feel real and almost make me cry and through a temper tantrum kind of horrible.

The culprit for this horrible reaction: “pick up cap and gown.”

Last week I was forced to pick up my cap and gown by the school’s alumni office. They called it grad fair and had candy and presented it as this happy-go-lucky-yeah-for-graduation moment, which I was, of course, fully against.

My friend Dalynn and I went together to go pick them up and as we reached the bottom of the stairs (the “grad fair” was upstairs in one of our campus buildings) I stopped cold and pronounced, “I can’t do it. I just don’t think I can.”

Dalynn, equally as unwilling to graduate, reached out her hand and said, “hold my hand.” We, like two little girls post-temper tantrum, walked up the stairs to pick up our caps and gowns, both willing ourselves not to burst in to tears in front of all the alumni people who just assumed we were excited to graduate.

Graduation Cap Wearing

Then, in a paradox of emotion that probably makes no sense due to our aversion to graduation, Dalynn and I walked down from the grad fair to the cafeteria for dinner with our graduation caps on our heads.

We even stopped for a photo-op and quite enjoyed our silly costume parading around campus.

That item checked off the to-do list, and the graduation invites almost all finished and in the mail, I am just one step closer to graduation. One step I would much rather turn around and head back in the opposite direction, mind you.


Day 64: A Step Toward Acceptance

I am currently sitting on the sidewalk outside the school gym waiting to leave for the national basketball championship.

I know I have already posted about my last day of cheerleading but that was just my last day at our home court. Nationals marks the actual last time I get to cheer.

This is me taking baby steps into the acceptance of graduation. I think I'm going to need some help with this one.

So I’m sitting here in the lovely though slightly chilly Oklahoma weather waiting. Waiting to leave for spring break. Waiting to start nationals. Waiting for time to take a huge leap of fast-forward and school to be over.

Though I tried to veto it, Spring Break is basically here and I have no choice but to accept it.

Eight weeks and counting. Sixty-four days and counting.

I’ve thought of this so many times. I’ve been counting down for basically 120 days so you’d think I would be ready. But no, I’m not.

It just hit my, I think it was yesterday, that this really is almost over.

There will be no more national championship cheerleading days as an OKWU cheerleader. Not more days of waking up in the dorm and getting ready for the day in the bathroom I share with my suitemate Emily, and our friend Tirzah who joins us on a regular basis. No more Literature classes with my favorite professor. No more late night dance parties or staying up just because. No more cafeteria food – oh wait, I’m excited about that one.

It is all going to change, and it starts today. Okay, it really started the day I started this semester, or this year, or even really college in general, but now it’s almost over – for real.

I could not use my powers as Student Body President to veto Spring Break. To bad, thought I had more power then that! Granted, I would probably get injured if I canceled Spring Break. But never-the-less it is here and that means school is about to fly by and be over, not my favorite epiphany.

Let’s all just pray that it goes as slow as molasses in winter, or as slow as Christmas – though I know May 14th comes much sooner then Christmas.

I think I am just going to have to accept the coming of the end of the year and enjoy the time in between now and then. This includes enjoying my spring break including the NAIA Division 2 National Championship. The team won their first game by one point in overtime by the way. Incredible game!


Day 69: NO SPRING BREAK! NO SPRING BREAK!

It is almost Spring Break on the OKWU campus. Six days and counting and, boy, are they counting!

Everyone gets more excited and more and more antsy with each day.

I, however, am different.

I am dreading Spring Break with everything in me. It isn’t because I don’t relish seven to nine days of hanging with my friends and family doing nothing; I am very excited for that. I’m dreading it because of what Spring Break means.

Spring Break marks the middle of the spring semester. Midterm tests and grades come out just before. We drive ourselves crazy with our packed, to-do lists and wait-to-the-last minute studying, and, then, all of a sudden, it is over, and time for a break.

We leave school because they force us off campus, not that we really want to hang around campus for a week by ourselves; we rest, go on vacation, go to the national basketball tournament, or do whatever we want to for a week, then come back.

But what happens when we get back?

In just eight weeks, a very short eight weeks, it is all over.

(This is the part I dread.)

We go from the stress of midterms and wishing it could just be finished, so we could get some sleep, to relaxation which ends all together too quickly, to the last eight weeks of school, which go by so fast we might as well only have eight days after Spring Break and just be done with it.

For me, it marks the speedy stretch to the finish line. I have been dragging my feet the first eight weeks of the semester, praying that time would crawl by, but, when break gets here, I know there is no stopping time.

The end of the year is coming.

It is drawing near faster and faster.

And there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I may be acting slightly dramatic, but I’m just trying to make clear to anyone reading how fast it feels. When Spring Break is over, there is only eight weeks of what I have spent the last four years doing, and that is scary.

Everyone else can be as excited as they want to be. They can skip out of class early and drive for hours to get home, spend every meal from now until they leave discussing their excitement, and be as happy as they want. But I will be sitting at that lunch or dinner table with my arms crossed willing Spring Break to get here just a few weeks later. Wishing the next eight weeks just won’t have to happen.

Yes, I know this isn’t going to work, especially based on the 3.5 seconds the last three weeks have felt like. But I’m going to wish it anyway.

I am going to loathe the institution of Spring Break, because I can, even if it has to happen anyway.