Well, you probably noticed that I didn’t get a post out yesterday. Or at least I hope you noticed because you wake up every morning just itching to read my words and missed them desperately yesterday.
Okay, I know you probably don’t feel like that but I do hope you have been enjoying reading this because I have certainly enjoyed writing it.
Yesterday my day just got away from me a little and I didn’t get around to writing; largely do to the fact that I didn’t have any Internet access.
The day was so crazy in fact that Saturday’s post got dictated to my friend Elaina on a bus ride to Tulsa and I didn’t get back from a restaurant/movie/family dinner/ice skating adventure until almost 2 am.
Needless to say, Sunday’s blog post didn’t happen, so I combined it with today’s just to keep the numbers straight.
Because of the business of the last few days and the events this weekend provided, I have multiple things I could write about today. I have been thinking over it and praying to see what would be best to explain, describe, satirize, or biblicalize today.
I decided to be real with you. I hope when you read these words you know they are coming from my heart, especially today. I’m going to really put a piece of that heart out on this computer screen for you.
Yesterday, as I said, was kind of a crazy day. The culmination of which occurred in my parent’s kitchen following a birthday dinner for my sister, brother, and dad. Most of my family, the ones who live close anyway, were gathered at our house to celebrate.
Side note here: my family is hilarious. Really. We should probably have our own TV show or at least you-tube channel. If you have never had the experience of sitting around my family’s table for dinner on a night when we are all way to hyper and talkative, there are seven of us mind you – two parents, five kids – of which I am the oldest, just ask me to video tape it or something because it really is split-your-sides funny.
Anyway, so there we were all laughing and having a great time and I found myself faced with a dilemma. As the party wrapped up but had not come to a complete halt I was supposed to be heading out the door to a movie with friends as part of a school function. (That was the restaurant/movie/family dinner/ice skating adventure I mentioned earlier, minus the family dinner part, which is the opposing force in this dilemma.)
So there I was trying to decide between two things that I love, which for simplicity of argument I will boil down to family vs. friends, though it is no where near as simple as that.
I have found out already, less than one week into the semester, that this is going to be a challenge and maybe even a sore spot for the remainder of my college career. That is, choosing friends or family. The main problem being, ultimately, I want to be doing both things.
I want to be with my family making memories with people I love and I want to be with my friends doing the same and it just doesn’t feel as if there is time for both. It’s as if I either have to choose one or the other.
I sacrifice time with my family to hang out with friends, or even just do something at school that needs to get done, to the dismay, and even heartbreak, of my family, which of course breaks my heart as well. That, or I go and spend time with my family and miss out on something at school.
It feels like a loose/loose situation.
I’m not writing this to make anyone, either friends or family, feel as if they in someway forced me to do something I didn’t want to do. I am just being honest and being real. That is what this semester is about anyway isn’t it?
Growing up is a part of life, a part I don’t particularly care for at this moment, but it is still a part. And there is a time of learning to live my own life, which currently is engulfed by school, while still having a little part of that life at home with my family. And both parts are important. Yes, the ratios do have to change, and that is hard on everyone.
Today, and yesterday, it is particularly hard on me.
It is a balance thing I think. I have to learn to balance both parts of my life. And just because I spend more time in one part than the other, doesn’t mean both aren’t equally important.
I may not be making any sense here at all, and maybe that is because it doesn’t really make sense to me right now. This is just something I am going to be figuring out this semester, so I thought I would mention it.
I don’t have any profound wisdom or word from the Lord as an answer to this problem, for me or anyone else, at least not now. I am simply presenting this as a part of my heart and a part of what may need to be figured out for any given person in their final semester of college or a changing season of their life.
And I pray that God will show me, and all of you, how to handle this split-life feeling caused by the inevitable event of growing up.